Official State Weapons! An Idea Whose Time Has Come!

I savor recent reports from Utah and Arizona whose legislative bodies have established an official state gun. For Utah, the Browning M1911 pistol because Mr. Browning grew up in Utah and was the son of pioneers. For Arizona, the Colt revolver because it's made in Connecticut and was used to help settlers kill off the ancestors of Native Americans living in Arizona. That's my guess anyway.

NPR reports that the Florida legislature would bar doctors -- especially pesky pediatricians -- from asking their patients if they own guns, guns being a possible health hazard, especially to children if the parents are careless with the care of guns. Governor Scott says that asking this question of parents constitutes a violation of their Second Amendment rights. Perhaps Florida will honor the loaded-and-unlocked-and-negligently-stored-danger-to-my-child-and-other-children-but-goddammit-that's-my-Second-Amendment-right-and-I'll-give-it-up-when-you-pry-it-from-my-child's-cold-dead-fingers official state gun.

But why just firearms? Why not the official state weapon? Some creative states might designate the pox-infested woolen blanket as the official state weapon. Others, in the South perhaps, the rope! New Jersey might honor cement. And, of course, Nevada would trump everyone with its official state armament: the hydrogen bomb!

Yoko Ono Advises the Beatles from Bed

Took me three years, I think, at a couple of pages here and there now and again, but I just finished Bob Spitz's excellent 860 page biography "The Beatles." If you know me, you know I'm a Beatles fan. My tastes have shifted more toward John Beatles than Paul Beatles (and I've a very, very limited interest in post-Beatles Beatles) and I read the bio mostly for insight into their song creation and musicianship. Of course, there's much more than that including their personalities, the business end, the impact of adulation and millions of dollars, the drugs, the drugs, the drugs, and the drug-induced psychosis, especially in LSD-addled John Lennon who added heroin after deciding to throw in his lot with Yoko Ono.

I couldn't help but make the following assessment: Lennon and McCartney seem quite objectionable as mates, friends, or bandmembers. Yes, yes, yes . . . great music, but deeply unattractive people those two. McCartney was, perhaps is, egotistical, controlling, self-serving, pretentious, disingenuous, and unctuous in the extreme. Lennon was worse: violent, volcanically angry, homophobic, probably anti-semitic, deeply inconsiderate, and drug-addled.

George and Ringo? Princes. And perhaps Lennon outgrew his demons before he died. Hard to say.

But Yoko, with whom I've always tried to sympathize, may be the most comically objectionable of them all.

Consider the following episode from Spitz's biography (which, I'd have to say, is not sympathetic to Yoko):

After marrying John, Yoko had suffered another of her several miscarriages and to heal she and John visited Scotland on holiday. This was around the time of the "Abbey Road" recordings. John had never driven a car before, and though quite stoned, he insisted that he be given an Aston-Martin to drive around the treacherous Scottish backroads. No one says "no" to a Beatle and so off he went with four people in the car including his son Julian by his first marriage and, of course, he promptly crashed the car into a deep ditch to avoid an oncoming car. After a brief hospitalization for superficial wounds, John and Yoko returned to London where John intended to head back into the studio with the Beatles. By this time, Yoko had been attending recording sessions for about a year despite the deep resentment of the other Beatles. Here's Spitz:

"With John's reappearance in the studio came Yoko, back at his side, ever conspicuous as an intruder; however, this time, there was an even more offensive twist: Yoko was pregnant again, with strict orders from her doctor to remain in bed while recovering from the car crash. In a characteristically aggravating gesture, she had Harrods [London's Bloomingdale's] deliver a double bed to the studio and instructed a [studio] technician to suspend a microphone above her head that would adequately furnish her comments to the band."

Elsewhere, Spitz reports that upon attending recording sessions with John, Yoko would presume to advise the band on musical matters. She would cut into discussions with a forceful, "Beatles should . . . " followed by her expert recommendations.

I very much enjoyed reading about John and Yoko's record, the "Wedding Album," in which one whole side of the vinyl album consists of John and Yoko screaming each other's name. Imagine!

Getting a Second Mortgage at an ATM

Went to my bank last week to withdraw funds from one of the two ATMs. I took my place off to side and a polite distance away from two women using the machines. A young man was already there waiting ahead of me on the other side of the women.

So I'm standing off to the side and I can't really see what either woman's doing. Occasionally, I see a hand reach in and back again, then in, then back. A hip or foot shifts compelling the young man and me to look up in anticipation of our turn. He and I make brief eye contact and look away like people waiting for a restroom at a popular restaurant. But the women at the ATMs continue their transactions.

After a while the line on either side of the women had increased to include several people including a mom with two small children who were running around, marring the banking decorum which exists even in this parking lot.

The women at the ATMs continued their business. We all looked furtively as the hands at the ATMs went in, out, in, out.

And then it suddenly occurred to me: Banks, like other businesses, work to cut down on labor costs -- after all, who goes to a teller anymore? -- so maybe these banks found a way to help people with more complex banking transactions . . . at ATMs!

I mean, what were these women doing at these ATMs? Getting a second mortgage? Setting up trust funds for their children? What?!!?

Does everyone now do all their banking on ATMs?

Does the Federal Reserve make money supply adjustments on an ATM?

Finally, after the women had apparently started a hedge fund at the ATMs, I stepped up to transact my humble banking -- a simple withdrawal of walking around money which made me feel like a beggar by comparison or, at best, a child bringing his piggie bank to the counter. But by the time I'd done so, I calculated that inflation, modest as it is, had eaten away 4% of the value of my earnings!

Groceries? Yes. Cappucino? No.

Spaniards Do Random

As you probably know, there are some sayings in other languages that, when translated literally, lose their intended meaning.

Here, in the USA, when we are confronted by some irrelevant piece of info in the midst of a discussion, those of us middle-aged and older might ask, "Dude, what's that got to do with the price of tea in China?" Those who are younger might insist, "Dude, that is soooo random."

In some Spanish-speaking countries, people respond to irrelevant info with, "Yo tengo una tía que toca la guitarra."

It literally translates as, "I have an aunt who plays the guitar."

But what is means is, "Dude, you want random? I got random."


(You may feel, if you've read this far, that this blog entry seems random to you. Well, it is an eclectic mix of things here, right? The eclectics of the world do seem distracted by tangents.)