Toaster – a One-Act by Greg Monfils

Scene: Ken and Joan, retired couple at breakfast in their home with Will, Ken’s son, and Lynn, Will’s wife, both visiting. Joan stands looking at the toaster.

Joan: I hate this toaster.

Ken: Why do you “hate” the toaster, Joan?

Joan: It just takes forever.

Ken: It takes 4 minutes to toast. You should just accept the toaster the way it is.

Joan: I hate it.

Ken: That means you’re going to get a new one, I suppose.

Joan: Well, I don’t . . .

Ken: I’m perfectly happy with this one.

Joan: . . . know what I’m . . . I just . . . you SHOULD be happy with it, this is YOUR English muffin I’m waiting for.

Ken: Joan, why not sit down and go back when it’s ready?

Pause

Lynn: We don’t have a toaster. We use the broiler.

Joan: Uh-huh. . . . Here’s your muffin.

Ken: Thank you, Joan. It’s a perfectly good toaster, but get a new one if you want. That’s how it usually works.

Joan: Does anyone want anymore toast? I have potato bread, raisin bread, English muffins.

Will: How long will it take?

Joan: Will . . . . here just take a piece of mine if you’re in such a hurry.

Will: No, I don’t really want any.

Ken: The toaster is what it is, Joan. You can’t change the toaster. If it’s broken . . .

Joan: Yes, Ken. It’s not broken. I understand.

Pause:

Ken: Why is our new president vacationing in Hawaii?

Will: It’s Christmas. He’s not president yet. Hawaii’s his home.

Ken: I know it’s his home. [Pause] He should be with his team in Washington. Working.

Lynn: I’m pretty sure he’s working and in contact with his team.

Ken: He’s swimming seems to me. He needs to be in Washington. Working, not swimming. This English muffin is great, Joan. Thank you. Pause

Will: Obama will face some big problems.

Ken: He should be in Washington.

Lynn: I’m sure the technology available to him allows for some contact . . .

Ken: He shouldn’t be playing on the beach while . . .

Joan: HE’S WITH HIS FAMILY. IT’S CHRISTMAS. A CHRISTMAS VACATION LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD TAKES, KEN!!!!

Ken: I just wish he wouldn’t spend two weeks in Hawaii.

Joan: Oh, Ken!

Will: He’s not the President yet. He’s got his team in place. He’ll hit the ground running.

Ken: And I wish him well.

Joan: LIAR!!

Ken: Why am I a goddamn liar?

Joan: Oh . . . you know. [Pause] He’s on a family vacation for godsake.

Ken: We can’t wait for him to get moving on the country’s business.