Directions -- a One-Act

Directions – a One-Act
Setting: A middle-aged couple in a car moving through an urban area – the male drives.


Jeanne: If we’re going through downtown we should stop and pick up Vivian.

Noah: Alright. We can do that. [Jeanne is already calling Vivian on her cell phone].

Jeanne: [into the cell phone] Noah says we can pick you up . . . that’s right . . . you’re off work now, right? . . . . Good so . . . hold on. . . . Noah, where should I tell her to wait for us?

Noah: Where’s her internship?

Jeanne [back to Vivian]: Where do you want to go for dinner. [to Noah] She works on . . . [to Vivian] where exactly are you? . . . Right now? . . . you’re there now? . . . in five minutes? [to Noah] Noah, will we be there in 5 minutes?

Noah: Where is “there” . . . .

Jeanne: [to Vivian] Just wait for us, Vivi. We’ll be there in a minute . . . . [to Noah] Noah, she works on K St. at Farragut Square. [to Vivian] No, we had pizza last night.

Noah: Tell her to walk to the other side of the square.

Jeanne: And then what?

Noah: And wait there.

Jeanne: Just anywhere on the other side of the square? It’s a big square. [to Vivian] Hold on. What? Yum! Lebanese sounds good. [to Noah] She wants Lebanese. [to Vivian] You want to know if we can just . . . .

Noah: Can always do Lebanese.

Jeanne: [to Vivian] Noah likes Lebanese. [to Noah] Can we pick her up on Perry? That’s what she wants to know. [to Vivian] Vivian, we just had fish tacos two nights ago. [to Noah] Do you want fish tacos again so soon?

Noah: Okay, tell her to go to the corner of K and 17th, but . . . .

Jeanne: [to Vivian] Did you hear that?

Noah: But tell her to walk to the corner and then go kitty-corner across the street.

Jeanne: Kitty-corner? What’s “kitty-corner”? [to Vivian] I don’t know either. [to Noah] She doesn’t know what “kitty-corner” means and I don’t either. “Kitty-corner” – I’ve never heard of that and how she’s supposed . . . . and now she’s scared she won’t be in the right spot.

Noah: Well . . . we’ll see her. She’ll see us. I’m just saying that it would be more convenient if she could walk to the corner and then go kitty-corner . . . .

Jeanne: [to Vivian] So it’s really “catty-corner” not “kitty-corner”? [to Noah] It’s not “kitty-corner”, it’s “catty-corner.” Vivian googled it.

Noah: Googled it? What? “Kitty-corner”? Well, fine, whatever, but just have her go, you know, diagonally, to the opposite corner.

Jeanne: She can’t cross the street diagonally.

Noah: Just tell her to wait at the corner and . . . .

Jeanne: Here, you talk to her and tell her where to be [hands Noah the cell phone which Noah does not reach for.]

Noah: You know, all she needs to do is . . . .

Jeanne: You tell her. You know where you’re going. [Suddenly pulls phone back and then, to Vivian] Check to see if the Lebanese Taverna is open on Mondays. [thrusts phone back to Noah.]

Noah: Look, just tell her to . . . .

Jeanne: You should tell her so that you two know exactly where to be.

Noah: We don’t need to be exact . . . .

Jeanne: [to Vivian] I think you should . . .Vivi? Vivi? Are you . . . It IS open on Mondays? Okay, but I think you should talk to Noah directly, but he . . . [to Noah] Can’t you just tell her where to be? [to Vivian] You see us? Well, where are you? I don’t see you. [to Noah] She can see us. Do you see her?

Noah: Where should I be look . . . .

Jeanne: Tell her where to be.

Noah: Have her walk to the corner by the little lawn and then cross K St. and then cross 17th and wait.

Jeanne: [attempting to hand over the phone]. Here, you tell her. That’s too much.

Noah: [pretending not to see the phone] Walk to lawn at the corner and then cross over kitty-corner from there to . . . . I see her.

Jeanne: You mean “catty-corner”? There’s no “kitty-corner.”

Noah: Okay.

[They pull over.]

Jeanne: [leaning out the window] Hi, sweetie. Sorry we had trouble with all of that “kitty-corner” confusion. I don’t think it’s even a word.